Place to Ponder and Sometimes Pout

This is the deck off of the great room of my studio. My studio is up a short hill from the main house and is invisible and completely private. It's still in the "developmental" stage and I don't have a clear idea of what it really is.

When we first bought this property, (It will be a year on Jan 18th.) I immediately moved all my personal interest stuff into the studio. The main room was to be completely for yoga and for the most part it was and still is empty. There are 2 "offices" off of this room. The previous owners were writers and had their own spaces. There are lots of built-ins and drawers and internet connectivity. I designated them as "Past" and "Future". One holds all my memorabilia and everything related to writing. The other holds all kinds of art and craft stuff that I always wanted to do but never had time for. It also has all my spiritual books, health/yoga material, and my stuff on death and dying.

Somehow having this wonderful place intimidates me. Am I worthy? Can I do anything that's as beautiful and worthwhile as this place and setting? Consequently, I don't go up there as much as I intended. I even rented the place two times to "seekers" who wanted to be in Nevada City for its various therapies and variety of esoteric events and practitioners. (The studio has a full kitchen/bath and a Murphy bed.) Renting it doesn't feel right either.

What I have found myself doing is just going there and sitting quietly and letting thoughts take shape. I also go there when I'm really angry at my husband and need to diffuse (that hasn't happened in awhile though). Now I have this health "thing" to think about. By the way, thank you for the anonymous comment. I really appreciated your POV on the subject. Truly.

I need to be back in this room. I find my center when I do yoga. It clears away fears and doubts and brings me to a place where I feel at peace. However, we had some serious snow up here around the holidays and it was just too - I don't want to say difficult - it's just that I was too lazy to make the trek. The bad news is that when I stop doing yoga for even a few days I fall off "the path". Returning take a lot of fortitude and I can find all kinds of excuses...

Right now my body just does not feel right. I think this biopsy thing is lurking somewhere and is warring with my belief system. I am definitely off center.

"Fall on your knees...Hear the Angel voices...Oh, night...Oh, night divine!"

Tomorrow I'll go there and start again.